cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
