I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
