I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize