Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
