we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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