I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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