I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
