the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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