At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
