so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
