I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love you.
Bad choice
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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