You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They took my balls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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