Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
