20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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