Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
