Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
