There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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