last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
