Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
