You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
