the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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