I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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