Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
