Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think your dad took our porno
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When are your genitals available?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
