omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
