pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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