Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
