You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
