I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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