You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
