I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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