i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
