my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
