No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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