Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
