everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
