quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
