they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
