U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
