I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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