Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
