margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
