Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
