I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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