Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
