It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
