So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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