My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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