Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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