I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
