my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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