she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
