Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's always time for handjobs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
