The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
