I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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