I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
