I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
