im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
