He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
