I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
