this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
