quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
