quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
