ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
