I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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