so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
