she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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