it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
