God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize