We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
