What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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