And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
