Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
