I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
