Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
