It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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