Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
