If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
