and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
