you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
