I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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